I woke up last night after having a dream about Alli Worthington. Alli is the woman behind the Blissdom Conference. She was locked in a bathroom stall while several bloggers stood outside telling her what she woulda, coulda, shoulda done with her life and her talents.
I know my dream was a result of all the twitter talk about Blissdom and my disappointment that I won’t be there this year, but there was definitely more to it.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda.
I have a good amount of regret. I’ve had several reinventions of myself. I’ve been a fitness guru. I’ve been a personal coach. I’ve been the Mary Kay lady. I’ve been a writer. I’ve been a web designer. I’ve been a blogger. I’ve been a homeschooling mom. I often think about how close I’ve come to being the person I want to be and I wonder what held me back. What made me give up, back down, change course? It wasn’t fear. It wasn’t lack of ambition or talent. I’ve told myself it was lack of time, but the real answer is… I thought I had nothing at stake.
I didn’t have a job where people were counting on me to produce. I didn’t need the money. I had vague dreams, but no incentive to make an action plan to achieve them.
What I neglected to see for years is how much really is at stake. My love of life is at stake. My attitude and disposition is at stake. My ability to be a strong, positive role model for my kids is at stake. And now that I realize that, I know what I have to do.
My dream last night was a reminder that I’ve had a lot of big dreams that have faded into obscurity. Alli was simply my Blissdom-induced representation of myself – locked in that bathroom stall, covering my ears and rocking back and forth while the ghost of regret hovered around me.
This wasn’t the post I planned to write today as I’m halfway through a post on the 12 Days to Stop Yelling Challenge. But when I woke up at 4am with these thoughts rumbling in my mind, I needed to get them out. No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. Time to tackle my action plan. Keep moving forward. My immediate steps are exercise and stop yelling.
What are your immediate steps in your action plan? Please join me in the BlogFrog community to discuss!
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Twitter: ABHOMEINTERIORS
January 24, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I think all of us have these moments. I watched The social Network for the first time last night and all I kept thinking was “how the hell did this happen?” How is it possible for a person so young to tap into such high intelligence and change the world? And do it with such perseverance. Mark (the founder of facebook) never lost sight of his goal. And even with older patriarchs demanding compliance and respect, he refused to lose sight of his goal.
As I watched all I kept thinking was why can’t I have driven purpose like that? Why can’t I be that intelligent? Why can’t I be an entrepreneur like that. Maybe I will have the answer if I exercise more and stop yelling!! haha. Be back to see those great tips!
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Twitter: MsBibiB
January 24, 2011 at 4:28 pm
This post is hitting so close to home. I had so many reinventions that I am ashamed to admit…..still looking for the ONE that will stick and change my life forever. Once thing I am noticing that I learned a lot from every single thing I ever did and from ever failure. I am getting more focused, harder on myself and more motivated.Strong motivation is the key…..for me. I guess till now it never was strong enough.
12 days to stop yelling? That’s my dream.
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Twitter: bigguysmama
January 25, 2011 at 12:18 am
Sigh…I’ve never really had goals. I know, lame. Lots of excuses why, but none worth mentioning or worthwhile. I’ve never really DONE anything it seems. Being dreamless is probably where I am today as a person, a mom, a friend, employee, etc. Disappointing.
Anywho, congrats on your SITS day!
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I am learning to live in the now and enjoy what’s happening right in front of me. No, I’m not a career woman, but I am living the dream of loving people the best I can and hoping to see some fruit of that over the years.
I have found that being happy with who I am is great artillery for all those times when I wonder if what I’ve DONE is great or not. So today, I am really happy with who I am no matter what my life looks like on paper.
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Twitter: Sbayrantsnraves
January 30, 2011 at 12:59 pm
First of all I found you on SITS & this blog struck a chord with me cuz I need to have some discipline.
I’ll admit it right now, I never had goals. While other kids had a dream college or a dream job, I was so whatever about it. I didn’t even want to go to college, I only did it to appease my family. I worked since I was 16 & missed out on so many things: extra curricular activities, parties, and so on.
I keep kicking myself that I wasn’t able to take that internship in college. I was a Mass Comm major & the kids who had the in were the ones that were able to intern at the local stations. Me? I was forever working. I had no help from my parents, nothing.
After graduation I just went thru the motions about working. It was just something to do that got you money. Long story short, a year & a half ago, I quit my job with my husband’s blessing. Since then, I’ve started taking on hobbies that I couldn’t do before, or that I was cut off from as a kid. I still don’t know my goals or what have you but I’m on my way to finding peace about not working a normal 40 hour week. I would get scoffed at for not working & not having kids, it was like some sort of taboo but I’m enjoying life now, something I couldn’t do while in school. I’m doing hobbies, volunteering, and working at temp jobs. I like it cuz of the flexibility.
Sorry to turn this comment into a novel but you really hit home!
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