I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about motherhood, purpose, and feeling like a failure. We talked about how we (as moms) don’t put enough value on the job of raising human beings. It’s a job that’s often tough, thankless and boring. We talked about our struggles with weight loss, our childhood, and how we can help our daughters avoid food-related hang-ups.
I left feeling encouraged, inspired even. But that feeling didn’t translate to action. I spent yesterday, and much of today, sitting around doing nothing. Not exercising, or making healthy meals, or doing something constructive with my kids, or getting something accomplished. Nothing.
I waste a lot of time. I’m failing at sticking to a routine. I know what I need to do, but I don’t feel like doing it.
What is this? Why do I look around the room and think of five great things I could be doing, yet actually do none of them? Sure, I have spurts of motivation, but for the most part, I don’t git ‘er done.
I have a friend suffering from brain cancer. He’s gone bankrupt and lost much of his cognitive capacity. I look around my cozy suburban home, at my healthy family and all of our luxuries…
And I’m angry.
Why am I not doing everything in my power to live every moment of my life to the very fullest?
Maybe it’s because I don’t feel a need. There’s no pressure. People work because they want to produce something useful and make money doing it. My job, the part that helps us make money, involves managing the household and taking care of the kids so my husband can work. The part that involves producing something useful involves raising my kids to be responsible adults. But raising kids is such a slow process. You know you won’t mess up the whole job if you’re not at the top of your game for a few days here and there. Most likely you love, feed, clothe and educate your kids and they’ll turn out just fine. So it’s hard to feel pressure to perform at a higher level.
So. How? How to remind myself on a daily – even hourly – basis that my job is valuable? That raising a child is of the utmost importance and every minute is an opportunity? That taking care of myself sets an example and it’s not something that can wait until I’m old or sick?
It’s helped me to write on this blog and share my thoughts. It’s helped me to come back and read the posts I wrote the week before to remind myself. But it hasn’t been enough. Overcoming inertia is proving to be a major challenge for me, but I have learned that forcing myself to take just one step forward often propels me to take three or four steps. Before writing this post, I was feeling pretty lethargic. But now I’ve taken this step. I’ve taken action. Once I post this, I’m going to exercise.
Just do one thing.