So I’ve been sick. The sickest I’ve been in my whole life. I haven’t gotten dressed beyond pajamas in 16 days, or moved more than walking from the bed to the bathroom. I had two trips to the emergency room and was in the hospital for five days.
At first the doctor said it was pneumonia. After four days on antibiotics, I was only getting worse and ended up in the hospital. Lots of tests. A lung biopsy. And finally steroids are making me feel better.
There is no official diagnosis yet. Perhaps next week when I have a follow-up with my doctor, I will have an answer. For now, they are calling it an “interstitial lung infection.” Which, if you Google, is kinda scary.
I’m finally feeling up to getting on my computer, reading blogs, and – as you can see – writing a bit. My family and friends are cleaning and cooking for me, which I so appreciate, but is quite hard for me. I have control issues. I need to do things for myself. But I also know I don’t want to end up in the hospital again, so I’m trying to take it easy.
I have a funny story to share. My husband likes to watch those freaky learning channel medical shows and once told me about a phenomenon where people are under anesthesia, unable to move or communicate, but they can feel and hear everything. Yikes! When I had the bronchoscopy/lung biopsy, I went under anesthesia, and of course thought of this. When I was coming out of it, I wasn’t quite fully aware yet, but I could hear the doctors talking and I yelled “I CAN HEAR YOU!!!” I bet doctors hear some really funny shit when people come out of anesthesia.
Being unable to move around gives you a new perspective. Most of my life I feel like I have so much to do. And being confined to resting on the couch has indeed given me a chance to catch up on some things. Organizing photos and videos on my computer. Backing things up. Reading. Organizing some paperwork. But I’ve been thinking that if I could do anything now (if I felt 100%), what would I do? Clean, cook, pool/landscaping stuff, exercise, visit with friends. You’d think after being down for 2+ weeks, I’d feel overwhelmed with my to-do list. But I don’t.
I want to try to hold on to this feeling. The feeling that I have space in my life, that I can create space in my life. I feel derailed from my Discipline Project by my illness, but at the same time I feel that I have a renewed opportunity to create the life I want.