So I’ve been sick. The sickest I’ve been in my whole life. I haven’t gotten dressed beyond pajamas in 16 days, or moved more than walking from the bed to the bathroom. I had two trips to the emergency room and was in the hospital for five days.
At first the doctor said it was pneumonia. After four days on antibiotics, I was only getting worse and ended up in the hospital. Lots of tests. A lung biopsy. And finally steroids are making me feel better.
There is no official diagnosis yet. Perhaps next week when I have a follow-up with my doctor, I will have an answer. For now, they are calling it an “interstitial lung infection.” Which, if you Google, is kinda scary.
I’m finally feeling up to getting on my computer, reading blogs, and – as you can see – writing a bit. My family and friends are cleaning and cooking for me, which I so appreciate, but is quite hard for me. I have control issues. I need to do things for myself. But I also know I don’t want to end up in the hospital again, so I’m trying to take it easy.
I have a funny story to share. My husband likes to watch those freaky learning channel medical shows and once told me about a phenomenon where people are under anesthesia, unable to move or communicate, but they can feel and hear everything. Yikes! When I had the bronchoscopy/lung biopsy, I went under anesthesia, and of course thought of this. When I was coming out of it, I wasn’t quite fully aware yet, but I could hear the doctors talking and I yelled “I CAN HEAR YOU!!!” I bet doctors hear some really funny shit when people come out of anesthesia.
Being unable to move around gives you a new perspective. Most of my life I feel like I have so much to do. And being confined to resting on the couch has indeed given me a chance to catch up on some things. Organizing photos and videos on my computer. Backing things up. Reading. Organizing some paperwork. But I’ve been thinking that if I could do anything now (if I felt 100%), what would I do? Clean, cook, pool/landscaping stuff, exercise, visit with friends. You’d think after being down for 2+ weeks, I’d feel overwhelmed with my to-do list. But I don’t.
I want to try to hold on to this feeling. The feeling that I have space in my life, that I can create space in my life. I feel derailed from my Discipline Project by my illness, but at the same time I feel that I have a renewed opportunity to create the life I want.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, I can sooo relate to that feeling! I remember when my ankles were giving me trouble, all I wanted to do was keep house. I looked in the mirror and said, “Who ARE you??” lol But you’re right, it is a priceless reality check. Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better and being productive with the pictures/videos! Stay away from Google for now. Seriously. Stay. Away.
More than anything, I hope that this is a minor speed bump, and once you heal, it is done and over. I went through a period of bad health, and can completely empathize with what you wrote above. It took me a while to realize that the world wasn’t going to go into a holding pattern simply because I was out of commission. And, surprisingly, when I did join the game again, I wasn’t at all overwhelmed or behind. And, you won’t be either. So, take ALL the time you need to recover and feel well. BTW – I clearly remember throwing an F-bomb in the operating room when I was almost under – high five! Fell better soon!! XO
Twitter: diana_prichard
June 21, 2011 at 8:21 pm
I have been wondering about you! I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better.
I have not had that happen under-anesthesia but after a head injury I started having sleep paralysis — where you cannot move or speak — but you can hear and feel everything. Let me tell you, it’s bad enough when someone isn’t slicing about in your insides, I can’t imagine being on the operating table like that. Very scary!
I saw that medical show!! Every time I have to go under anesthesia I think of it.
I hope you’re fully better soon.
XXOO,
M
Gracious! I’m glad you are starting to feel a little better, but you’ve certainly been through the ringer. Your new perspective must be your silver lining!
Twitter: HeadlessMom
June 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm
I’m so glad you finally posted. I was really getting worried about you.
Make sure to take care of yourself, get lots of rest. And? Do those things you talked about: see friends, get in your garden…. just do things that make you happy. Perspective!
Twitter: DressingMyTruth
June 23, 2011 at 12:42 am
Shannon, how awful! I’m SO sorry to hear that you have been so sick. It must have been scary. I hope they know soon exactly what it was so you’ll know how to recover properly.
And take it easy as you gradually get back to your old self. I remember after surgery, wanting to do more than I should and paying for it later.
I’m glad that for now, you are taking it easy!
Jeanine
Twitter: martinimom
July 7, 2011 at 4:10 am
Oh my goodness, that sounds terrible. (Though, the “I CAN HEAR YOU!!” bit cracks me up.) Glad that you’re feeling better.
Martini Mom recently posted: Blended family, interrupted
Hi. I’m glad to read this. I have been sick for 11 days now and when I feel better, I force myself to do things, like yesterdayI mowed part of the yard because the grass has overgrown and iI’ve been so unable to do daily things. I too stay in pajamas and haven’t answered phone messages. Dishes are sitting in the sink. It takes such an effort to get up and do things. I haven’t been this sick since I had pneumonia when I was 31. That was 30 years ago. I’ve been feverish, headache, and so, so tired. Now, sore throat onset with a cough. Could it be swine flu? I have no idea. I generally go to the gym about 5 times a week. I haven’t gone at all for a week. I don’t have the energy. I’ve been around a lot of people lately and must have picked something up. Haven’t seen doctor for it yet but will in the next two days if it persists. I’m ususually a very busy, active person who considers herself lazy. Now , it suddenly struck me that I’m not lazy at all. I just have 24 hours and have been putting everything in those 24 hours that I possibly could. “I can hear you.” That is funny!b When I had carpal tunnel surgery on my hand, I remember waking up and looking at the surgeon and nurses in the OR and a nurse saying to me “We’re operating on your hand.” Thank God, I had enough anesthesia that I didn’t feel it. Take care.