Last weekend my husband, the kids and I spent a long weekend visiting family. We laughed, played, and relaxed. I can recall only twice in nearly 3 days that my kids had behavior issues. And they didn’t fight or tease each other at all. But as soon as we stepped foot in our own house, the shit hit the fan. It was like a switch had been flipped.
Does anyone else experience this phenomenon? Things run so smoothly when we are visiting someone, when we have guests, or even when the kids have friends over. My kids are helpful and polite. I even act better myself. I feel more relaxed, I’m proud of my kids and in mad love with my husband. But at home, with only our family, things change. My kids tease each other and fight. They turn into whiny babies who resist doing anything for themselves. I am grumpy and stressed and bitchy. I can’t wait for those rare moments when I can be alone.
This has been a mystery to me for years and I want to know how to change it. One of my two main goals for this year is to have a peaceful, serene home. I know the stress of running a home and child-rearing will never completely go away — but wait, see? Right there I called it stress. What do I have to do to embrace my domestic tasks? I want to enjoy cooking (I already enjoy cleaning), managing the house, the schooling and the social schedule, and raising my kids – not look at it like a chore!
So what can I do to make things more “like when other people are around?” It occurs to me that maybe I have more power than I think. Like the quote from Goethe says in my sidebar: “It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.”
Do I?
It’s a challenging task to change your own thinking.
I’m going to start an experiment, and I suspect it might take me a few tries to get this right. I’m going to act as if we have house guests all the time. I’ll need to force myself to imagine my parents or in-laws are in the room. How would I want them to see me acting? Similarly, how would I want my kids to act when they grow up (see Mom In The Mirror)? And if I act this way – how will it affect the way the rest of my family feels and acts throughout the day?
Stay tuned…
Do you want to try this challenge with me? Let’s start with one week! Post on your blog and link up in our Discipline Project Community. We can share our results and next Friday we’ll post a follow-up.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: mytwistedstitch
February 11, 2011 at 11:12 am
I think you must be on to something! Let me know how it goes :). I’m going to try and change my mind set too. Something certainly needs to be done!
Melody~
Melody recently posted: SITS Girls 31DBBB Challenge with Problogger Darren Rowse
Twitter: rachelteix
February 11, 2011 at 12:58 pm
I think this is a very common problem. My parents used to get rave reviews about how helpful, considerate and wonderful we were when staying over other peoples houses. They never understood it. I do. We know that we can behave differently at home because the people there will love us anyway, they are stuck with us, at our best and worst. I don’t have children but I still see this behavior in myself. I would never treat anyone the way I quite often treated my husband. This behavior is awful on my part, and I am working to fix it!
Rachel recently posted: 5 Question Friday!
Twitter: kitchenandkids
February 11, 2011 at 4:04 pm
I love this post – and – it is soooo true. I want to get on board with you on this little experiment, in fact, after completely loosing my cool with my son the other day, I decided change was indeed in order.
I loved what you said about their actions as adults – we definitely have an influence on how they will treat others, and be expected to be treated.
Amy W. recently posted: Create Your Own Heart
I find an audience to definitely be a factor in how things run. You’re definitely onto something. I’m even a better mom to my own kids when I have to care for someone else’s at the same time. Sad reality, but its true. I’m curious to see how your experiment turns out. :)
Colleen recently posted: Valentines Day- My Gift for My Kids
Twitter: EcoDivasCanada
February 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm
Awesome idea! You took the words right out of mouth except with my 3 highly spirited children you never know how things are going to go no matter where you are. Although when we have company I have much more patience and composure than when we don’t, because well, someone is watching…which probably accounts for why things are handled better and my kids respond better. So, count me in for this as well! I love your quote from Goethe, I am going to print it out and post it in my kitchen where everyone can see it. :o)
*GREAT* blog btw! :D :D
~Laila
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